I must confess. Most of us have “little secrets” we keep from our mates. Call it “privacy,” call them “fibs,” call them “lies” if that’s what suits your fancy. It’s our 9-year wedding anniversary today, so I’ve decided that its time for me to come clean. I am confessing. I’m bearing my soul here people. So husband, here it goes, this one’s for you.
1. I don’t really have IBS, I am just addicted to my Kindle.
2. I shop online after we fight. This is because I want to get back at you and also because when you find out, I know you will be too sick of fighting to bring up how much money I spent.
3. I make plans that involve “couples outtings” and then ask you later if you want to go, even though I’ve already committed you.
4. When I forget to buy something you’ve asked me to pick up at the store, I often lie and tell you that they were out of that product.
5. My “time of the month” does not actually last 7 days. I’ll let you stew on that one for a bit.
6. I told you I only had two glasses of wine, but in reality, I lost count after 4, so when I tell you I think its really a “stomach bug” after a girls night out…I’m just full of shit (and wine).
7. I have an upcoming Vegas trip planned that you do not yet know about…but don’t worry, you are coming along.
8. I sometimes call you horrible names after you leave your whiskers in the sink. The names I call you are so horrifically bad that I can’t even write them down.
9. I sometimes walk around in nothing but underpants in the morning with the intention of making you want a piece of this, but you usually ignore it and ask me to iron something for you, so I leave parts of your shirts wrinkled…on purpose, because you hurt my feelings.
10. I tell you that you are the only man for me, but I think that John Stamos may possibly be an exception.
11. If you and I were stranded on a deserted island, I’d probably make you do most of the work and boss you around.
12. Sometimes, when we are driving and I casually flip through radio stations in search of a catchy tune, I quickly skip through your favorite station because I can’t handle that shit.
13. When we were dating I told you I was once on a television game show to try and impress you. (I really and truly did this…OMG) I also told you that I won the grand prize. Lies!!!
14. I occassionally pretend that I don’t see that the dog just shit downstairs and then I ask you to run down and grab something for me so that you will see it and pick it up so that I don’t have to.
15. I always know what I want to eat, but when you ask me I say, “I don’t care,” and then reject everything you suggest until you finally offer the choice that I was originally hoping for.
16. I pretend that I don’t know the gas tank is on empty. I do this a lot. Like a really lot.
17. I tell you that I hate “Regular Show” on Cartoon Network and that it’s stupid that you watch it, but it’s actually one of my favorite shows.
18. When I tell you I bought this “on sale” I typically meant it was “for sale” and then justify it in my mind as just a wrong-word choice.
19. “The grocery store was packed!” I say after my alone trips to the store. Although this may be true, it usually takes me so long because I walk really slow down the aisles and then take the long way home.
20. It didn’t really bother me that you played poker with your friends until 4 in the morning on our wedding night because I was really tired and wanted to go to sleep anyways.
Let’s get something straight though. Just because I have now confessed these things, it doesn’t necessarily mean they will change, so you are just gonna have to deal with it. But I love you husband, even after 9 LONG years.
BTW, The Vada Diaries is FREE right now in the Kindle Store, so click here to get it! Share if you like, so your filthy minded friends will know. We’ve all got some :)