Explaining To My Kids That Some People Are D*cks

I love when my kids come to me with their problems and look for guidance and advice. It’s important to me that they feel they can be open and confide in me. The only problem is that lately it has been getting hard for me to answer a lot of their questions.

Mom, Timmy Timmerson told me I’m pathetic and I can’t play kickball at recess. Why is he so mean?”

Well son, Timmy Timmerson is a dick.

How else do I explain it? I could come up with some BS about how Timmy really is just insecure and so he acts like a bully. I could offer up the notion that Timmy is afraid that he’ll be shown up on the kickball field. Or I could just be honest. In fact, I don’t think it’s such a bad thing to teach my kids about how people are dicks. With the state that this world is in at this point, it would answer so many questions.

Like…

*Why are there robbers?

*Why are people scaring the living shit out everyone by dressing up like clowns?

*Why do people have 24 items in the 20 or less express checkout lane?

*Why do bicyclists ride in the middle of the street and not use the fucking bike lane that’s right there?

*Why do people have to leave judgey rude comments on Facebook?

*Why do people get on elevators before others get off?

*Why do people hurt animals? Really? Why?

*Why don’t people scooch up in the school pick-up line?

*Why do people take the last breadstick at the Olive Garden and then tell the server we don’t need anymore when they come back to ask if we do?

*Why do people stare at parents when their toddler is throwing a tantrum in a store? We don’t need an audience.

*Why do people have to talk so loud on their cell phones in public so everybody can hear it?

*Why can’t people just flush the damn toilet? No one wants to see that shit (literally).

*Why can people be so hateful?

*Why do people leave Facebook statuses like, “this is my opinion and if you don’t agree with it then unfriend me because I don’t like close-minded people.” (Did ya notice that steaming pile of hypocrisy?)

*Why do people cut in line?

So many questions. One simple answer. People are dicks. Of course NOT ALL people are dicks. There are so many great people in this world. There are people who treat others with kindness, compassion and respect. However, there are other Timmy Timmersons out there just wating to spread their dicky-dickish-ness all over the place. And I want my children to know it. But I also want them to be able to recognize the dickish behaviors of all the dicks for a lot of reasons…but mostly:

So that they do not become dicks themselves.

*and yes I use slightly different words with my children, so don’t hate me.

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